How To Be Pregnant: A Noob’s Guide to Successfully* Surviving the First 7.5 Months

*where success does not necessarily mean healthy, recommended, ideal, or approved by the American Pregnancy Association, but that in spite of everything, nothing dreadful happened. (Thank You, Lord…)

The one thing we've done to get ready for the baby. Surely 6 weeks
is plenty of time to do everything else...

1. Start taking prenatal vitamins and omega-3 supplements as soon as you know you want to have a baby. All those important nutrients need to be in your system beforehand, and you can’t know exactly when it will happen. (See #2.)

2. Wait until you’re 18 weeks along to find out that you’re pregnant. That way you can find out you’re pregnant, find out the baby’s gender, and be halfway done with the entire process all on the same day.

Tip: when your doctor sends you to get an ultrasound to find out just how far along you are, have your husband leave work and come with you. That way, you can both see the baby’s heartbeat for the first time, and you’ll have someone besides the ultrasound tech to hold onto when you start laughing and crying at the same time.

3. Get a job where you stand on your feet in dress shoes for 8 hours a day. This will help you understand the true meaning of foot odor, back/joint pain, and calf muscle cramps. It will also make soothing foot baths, hot showers, and warm (not hot and for no longer than 20 minutes!) bubble baths seem like heaven on earth.

4. Don’t worry about nutrition at all. Instead, since you spend 9-12 hours a day at the mall for work, eat at least one fast food meal every day, eat fast food for all three meals in one day on a regular basis, and treat yourself frequently to decadent chocolate shop hot chocolate, sea salt chocolate chip cookies, milkshakes, and soft serve swirl cones (it’s organic soft serve, so it’s healthy!).

5. Come down with a horrible, miserable, awful cold twice in two months. Bonus points if you scare your doctor into thinking you’re developing pneumonia. (Thankfully, I didn’t.) In the end, this will make turning in your resignation instead of just going on maternity leave totally understandable.

6. Thank the Lord daily for your precious, precious husband, who cheerfully insists on doing all the dishes, chores, laundry, grocery shopping, and some occasional cooking (in addition to his own demanding, all-hours, high tech job) while you’re trying to cope with the dual exertion of being pregnant and working full-time in retail.

7. Sign up for the last available spot in the birthing class you want to take. Promise your husband that you’ll only have to do this once.

8. Pre-register at the hospital where you plan to deliver while being monitored to make sure you’re not going into pre-term labor. (I wasn’t! Apparently mild dehydration + a very active baby can trigger Braxton-Hicks contractions…for an entire day!)

9. Quit your job a month earlier than you planned to. Because you will actually need every minute of the remaining six weeks until your due date to finish unpacking your new apartment, buy things, set up the nursery, pre-cook meals, regain your sanity, and catch up on rest (and also catch up on your new favorite HGTV DIY remodeling show, whee!).

10. Don’t stress about how you’re not doing any of the things you’re supposed to do for a healthy pregnancy (except take prenatal vitamins religiously every night). Instead, turn every “should-have” into a prayer of trust and thankfulness to the Lord that He, not you, is in control, and that this baby (as well as you, your husband, and your home) belongs to Him, and not yourselves.

Kissing In A Tree

Well, you know what happens when you kiss in a tree.

This!

Yep, that's right, there's gonna be a little MORE-gan this year! ;) Baby Boy Morgan, coming May 2014.

We can't wait. :)

Thanksgiving!

The Lorenzen family annual Thanksgiving is serious business: 6 siblings and their spouses, 15+ grandkids, over a dozen great-grandkids, and one very happy Great-Oma, gathered under one roof for a whole day of food, family, and relaxing fun. Here's a snapshot of our day. (Please ignore the fact that I don't know how to use my big girl camera very well and am still learning how to edit photos. I haven't had much time to practice lately. Thank you and have a nice day.) ;)

Breakfast is at 9:30 a.m. every year. Uncle Ralf and Aunt Mindy do the scramble: eggs, sausage, bacon, tomatoes, peppers, olives. We stuff it in tortillas and top with salsa, cheese, and sour cream to make breakfast tacos. Aunt Traute brings peeled ruby red grapefruit wedges that are so luscious, I can't even begin to describe them. My contribution was cinnamon rolls. Listen y'all: Pioneer Woman will never let you down.

It was all so good that I couldn't take many pictures. There was too much eating to do (and this was only breakfast!).

The breakfast chefs

The cinnamon rolls. I added pecans, but they are to-die-for plain as well.

After breakfast people take naps.

<3

Or play games.

Or visit.

Snacks abound.

Featuring fresh veggies, Aunt Traute's Ruby Red ambrosia,
and Jenna's addictive cranberry salsa on cream cheese

Speaking of addictive...

In the afternoon we cook together.

Best. Gravy. EVER.

Uncle Dave carves the turkey every year.

And he does such a beautiful job

Dinner is at 4(ish).

And then we all just hang out until we have to say good-bye, until next year.

Can't wait for the next one! :)

Giving Thanks

Around Thanksgiving, I enjoy watching my news feeds fill up with people's lists of things for which they are thankful. From family and friends to the blessings, great and small, that we have in our lives, I appreciate and echo the grateful sentiments of my friends and loved ones.

But on Thanksgiving Day, there is one thing in particular for which I am most thankful.

It's this guy:

Happy 3rd anniversary, my baby. I'm so thankful (thank You, thank You, thank You Lord!!) that I met you three years ago today.

Best Thanksgiving...of my life!!! ;)

All Quiet on the Western Front

If you wondered where I went this past month, it's here:

And no, it wasn't to shop. I got a job!

While working in retail at the mall isn't exactly my dream job (I don't know what that is yet, because I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up...), the Lord provided the perfect opportunity at just the right time, and here I am! I wear a suit, I work 35-40 hours a week, I'm eligible for "benefits" and 401K's and other things I don't really understand. I accrue P-T-O.

In other words, I'm a grown up. :)

In case you're wondering where in the mall would require a suit, let's just say that it's an upscale-ish mall, and I work in a store that's pretty faincy. The name of the place doesn't really matter. I've never been a brand person, and I'm even less so now that I'm constantly surrounded by labels and people who worship them. Romans 12:2 has become a daily prayer and reality. Suffice it to say, my real job is living to the Lord, and learning to live Him in this new environment has proved to be not only a salvation but a joy. An exhausted, aching-feet-and-back, making-dinner-the-night-before, getting-home-late kind of joy, but a real joy nonetheless.

Remember all those lofty goals I wanted to accomplish before my next birthday? Well guess what.

I now have a routine! I get up at the same time almost every day--6:00 a.m. baby! I have to, otherwise we eat fast food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and that is NOT acceptable (and also not affordable).

I spend time with the Lord almost every morning! Even if it's just a few minutes of quietly breathing His name while still half asleep, and/or staring at a page of the Word until a few of them come into focus (literally, and spiritually), this one thing alone feels like the greatest victory.

I exercise on a regular basis! Yes, it's only a piddly 5-minute ab routine plus a single 15-minute mile (don't laugh) on the treadmill 2-3 times a week, but after a couple of years of doing NOTHING, it feels so, so good. Take that, 31-year-old metabolism and cellulite! 5K this winter, 10K in the spring, and half marathon next summer! I can totally do this! Who's with me?!? (No, seriously. Who wants to be my running/racing buddy? I don't think I'll actually do any of the above without an accountability partner...)

I check social media less, because I simply don't have time anymore. And I love it. Instead, I find myself reaching for the Word, hungry for the ministry, and seizing the few precious opportunities I have to get together with the saints. I feel liberated. The cage of a job has actually set me free from the prison of isolation and idleness (yep, having nothing to do can be a prison) to enjoy and pursue the Lord in a richer, clearer way, and I am more grateful every day for His wisdom, mercy, love, and grace.

Even when my feet and back are killing me and I'm eating dinner at 10:00 p.m.

In everything give thanks! Thank You, Lord.

Also thank you to Aaron Morgan, aka the #besthusbandever, for cheerfully appointing himself the de facto dish washer, bathroom cleaner, laundry do-er, and my personal sanity manager while I figure out how to do this housewife/full-time-worker juggling thing. You deserve all the cookies. ;)

12 Books in 1 Year

For my blog debut, I posted a list of 32 things I want to accomplish before my 32nd birthday. One of those items was to read a new book every month, which I copy-catted straight from the original inspiration for my #32list. For fun, and because I like to trick myself into believing that I am productive and on top of things, I decided to go ahead and plan out which books I'm going to read. Most of these are books that I've been meaning to read anyway, but the fun of the #32list concept is that one can change anything at any time if one so desires. So I'm open to suggestions! I am painfully aware that this list is extremely geographically and culturally lopsided in the direction of Western/European literature. What are the big things I should read from Africa, Asia, Central/South America, the Middle East, etc? I'd be open to swapping a few things, and am already contemplating an all non-Euro/US reading agenda for my #33list (so on top of things).

So here they are, in no particular order, and with no promises that I won't change them as I go along (I can almost promise Anna Karenina will disappear at some point...):

1. The true story - My Silent War by Harold Adrian Russell "Kim" Philby. I originally wanted to read Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, but in looking it up I found out that John le Carré was inspired by the life of Kim Philby, the infamous senior British intelligence officer who was a life-long secret Communist and ultimately defected to the Soviet Union at the height of the Cold War. Knowing that, the fiction simply paled in comparison. (Just finished reading this so stay tuned for a review!)

2. The innocent children's book - Winnie the Pooh and The House at Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne. A two-for-the-price-of-one because they are so short--children's books, after all.

3. The book of poetry - The Complete Works of Emily Dickinson, because I already own a lovely gold leaf-edged hardbound volume that I rescued from a Goodwill for the princely sum of $2. #woot

4. The ministry book - The Knowledge of Life by Witness Lee

5. The tragedy - Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy (Gulp.)

6. The comedy - Thank You, Jeeves by P. G. Wodehouse. If you've never read Jeeves, you are missing out on the greatest belly-laughs in the canon of English literature.

7. The bestseller - The Help by Kathryn Stocket. Because, duh, it happens in my hometown of Jackson, MS and parts of the movie were actually filmed there!

8. The book I would probably never finish if it weren't on this list - Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens. One thing you should know about me is that I hate Dickens and love griping about his writing. If you disagree and feel it your duty to convince me otherwise, comment away. I like to (try to) keep an open mind. If you feel similarly, I'd love your camaraderie. :) But in my defense, I do respect his contribution to the world of literature and thus picked up at random one of his lesser known works some time ago in the hopes of changing my own opinion. So far Mr. Paid-by-the-word has only succeeded in confirming my worst complaints, but now I have to know if he is ever, EVER going to get around to bringing Little Dorrit and Clennam together (and how??). Plus, I discovered that there's a 14-episode (8-hour!) BBC/PBS miniseries on it, and I can't allow myself to watch it before finishing the book. Sigh.

9. The famous-but-forgotten children's classic - Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame. Did anyone else know that this was a book?!? (Does anyone else even remember this movie???)

10. The American classic - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. Or should I read The Adventures of Tom Sawyer?

11. The book you probably thought was only a movie - Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote. Yep that's right, it was a book first. Ok, technically it's a novella (ok FINE: short story), but have you noticed that Anna Karenina is on this list??

12. The famous Southern novel (also the Pulitzer Prize winner) - The Optimist's Daughter by Eudora Welty. I've never read anything by Eudora Welty (if you are currently reading this from the state of Mississippi, yes I heard that gasp), and I know I won't be able to look myself in the mirror all year if I don't have something by her on my list. Plus how can I call myself a Southerner (or a Jacksonian) if I've never read Eudora Welty?

My last dilemma is a question of money, technology, being environmentally conscious, and sentiment: should I buy a copy of each book, or check them out from the library, or buy/find free electronic versions to read on my phone + tablet + laptop + Kindle (disgusting, I know)?

Actually that's silly. I already know the answer: check them out from the library to read, then buy a really pretty hard copy if I really like the book. There, that was easy. :)

What's on your must-read list?

DIY Magnetic Spice Rack

Well, I finally did it. I did a Pinterest project.

I saw this lovely post quite a while ago, but ran across it again last month at a point when I was tearing my hair out over my overflowing spice rack + cabinet jungle and preparing for a trip to Ikea to remedy the whole situation. The moment was right, the inspiration was elegant, and the execution seemed impossibly easy and relatively inexpensive. I mean, who doesn't want their kitchen to look like Martha Stewart Living?

The Pinspiration.

Adorable, right? I was ridiculously proud of my first spice rack because the jars were all wedding registry gifts and I found the rack at Goodwill for $5. Sweet! I was dead opposed to registering for one of those prepackaged Bed Bath & Beyond spice racks because they come pre-filled with spices someone else has deemed important (sorry, I know everyone uses it on salmon but I hate dill and I won't allow it in my kitchen), and the jars have permanent labels, so you can't reuse them for anything else. Another strike is that the typical Bed Bath & Beyond spice rack holds only 20 jars at most. So I loved having the total control to put only those spices that I actually use on my rack, and for so cheap! Unfortunately the one I found only held 16 jars, but for $5 it was a good start.

If you know me, however, you know that I cook waaay too much to get by with just 16 spices. The last several months have found me piling jars, bags, and other random containers on top of each other in multiple cabinet spaces in addition to the rack taking up space on my small apartment kitchen counter. And the most annoying thing of all: the jar openings were too small for my larger measuring spoons--even when I took the whole lid completely off.

So this magnetic spice rack/wall was the answer to my search: uniform containers, fully customizable, as many as I need, no counter/cabinet space lost, and no problem with measuring spoons. Done and done!

Here's how I did mine:

1. Gather your supplies.

You'll need a pencil and scissors, as well as: 30 tins from this fine website, $31.70 (including shipping); magnetic paper from Michael's, $11.95; Martha Stewart Living removable labels, $4.34 (or make your own from scrap paper, totally free!): total = $47.99. For comparison, keep in mind that Ikea's magnetic Grundtal tins are $7.99 for 3. You do the math.

2. Place an empty tin face down on the magnetic paper and trace. Repeat 29 times.

I did some basic math before shopping to make sure
I had enough magnetic paper for 30 2" circles.

3. Cut a couple of circles out. For fun, hold one up against the bottom of a tin to see if the size is right. Realize that if you wanted the circle to fit the bottom of the tin, you probably should have traced the bottom of the tin, which apparently is a nanosmidge smaller than the top. Place the bottom of the tin snugly inside the first circle, and retrace.

Repeat 29 times.

Or you could just start by tracing the bottom to begin with.

4. Painstakingly cut out the rest of the circles. This can take a long time, so you may want to have some old friends with you to keep you company.

5. Wash the jars before putting the magnets on them. Hand-dry them because you’re impatient. Meticulously soak all the water out of every crevice in the lids, because while you’re impatient, you’re also a perfectionist, especially when it comes to food, and you don't want moisture ruining your spices.

6. When the tins and lids are dry, peel the paper backing off of a magnet circle. Carefully place the adhesive side onto the bottom of a tin, being sure to match up the edges.

Realize that in spite of your earlier corrected mistake, you are still going to have to trim a tiny bit of excess magnet off the edge of every tin. (Sigh.)

Repeat 29 times. (Good thing you have those old friends still keeping you company.)

7. Write out your labels and place them on the lids.

8. Now for the fun part! Line up your new spice tins in alphabetical order so that the transition process is at optimal efficiency (since your old spice rack is in alphabetical order, too;). Fill the new spice tins and empty out as many of your old containers as possible.

Jars I was able to empty and get rid of altogether--hooray!

Jars I was able to store out of the way for the occasional refill--hooray!

The 5 spices I kept in original containers in my cabinet for ease of use--only 5 instead of 5874(ish), hooray!

The finished product--HOORAY!

9. Revel in the order and beauty of it all.

 

10. Put away extra labels and supplies. Save the magnet cuttings for another project, another day.

11. Pour yourself a glass of sparkling organic pomegranate juice (it was on sale for $1/liter), curl up on the couch, and finish hanging out with your old friends to celebrate a project well Pinterested.

:)