#32list: The Moment of Truth

Friends, Romans, Walruses: the time has come.

When I started this blog a year ago on my 31st birthday, I made a list of 32 things I wanted to accomplish before my next birthday, when I would turn 32. Well, that was almost 2 months ago (oops!), so it's time to 'fess up and bring out the scorecard!

N.B. See #25 in advance. It's my permanent excuse for absolutely every fail in life for the next 18 years.

1. Start a blog - DONE. 10 posts in 1 year; slow, but not bad for a start!
2. Have a regular morning time with the Lord - DONE. Since at least once a week counts as regular, and I had a baby this year (baby = free pass for everything), I'm crossing this off.
3. Exercise regularly - DONE. This was a tough one, since this time last year I was 6 weeks pregnant, and 2 months later started a full time retail job right before the holiday rush. But, like #2, I've done something that could pass as exercise (however mild) at least once a week if you average it all out (ha!), so I'm counting it done.
4. Run a 5K - I had a baby instead. Might as well cross climb Mt. Everest off my bucket list, because that's basically what I accomplished.
5. Run a 10K - See above. 
6. Run a half marathon - See above. Maybe when I'm done having babies.
7. Read 1 new book every month - DONE. I didn't (exactly) read a new book every month, but I did read 10 new books. So, I say close enough! And YES, baby/sleep-training books TOTALLY COUNT. 
8. Travel outside the country - Nope. Sigh. Next year! *crosses fingers*
9. Visit Boston Austin - Boston was out of the question, BUT! We DID fly to Austin, TX with our 10 week old baby! He is the first great-grandbaby to my only living grandparent, my mom's mom, whom I had not seen in almost 10 years. So this was a big, big deal and we had a big, big family shindig to celebrate. It was wonderful!
10. Go camping in a tent - DONE! I lamented to the Best Husband Ever back in March that this could not possibly happen before my next birthday since we were having a baby. His response? "Just because we're having a baby doesn't mean we can't do anything or go anywhere. We'll go camping before your birthday. In fact, we'll go camping FOR your birthday." And we DID! In, like, a tent and everything! With a 4 month old baby! And it was FUN!! Reason #907983 I call him the Best Husband Ever. :)
11. Learn how to create and edit video - Sleep is better.
12. Secret personal health related goal that I won't share here - Didn't do it. Still not telling.
13. Get back in the habit of reading the Bible before bed - DONE. It's not every night, but I am getting back in the habit.
14. Check social media less - Welllll this compulsive habit got a lot better...and then a lot worse. I know there are infinitely more productive things you could do while breastfeeding, but at 2:00 a.m., or when your brain is so fogged from lack of sleep even though it's high noon, staring at your Instagram feed is sometimes all you can manage. And sometimes, it's reassuring just to know that there's still a world out there for you to rejoin one day...
15. Make every recipe in Ina Garten's Barefoot in Paris cookbook - Didn't finish, but I'm renewing this for my #33list. The standing is currently 21/79 recipes made, not counting the 5 that aren't worth the trouble. Potato chips from scratch? But...why??
16. Make cronuts from scratch - Not yet.
17. Get a puppy - We moved into an apartment that doesn't allow pets. :( 
18. Find fun things to do instead of watch TV - So far, honestly, it's a relief to have something going on in the background during the day to keep me company, and keep me from losing my mind. Being at home 24/7 (we only have one car) is tough. Although thanks to #'s 1 and 7, I have rediscovered my love of writing and reading. I'm hoping for more of both in my life henceforth.
19. Read Les Misérables - Didn't even touch it. #noregrets
20. Perfect macaron-making at home, and learn to make more flavors than chocolate and vanilla - #33list! I'm determined to become a pro at macaron making. 
21. Meet this baby in person - Didn't happen. KILLLLLS me. :(
22. Spend less money at coffee shops - DONE. For the 6 months that I was working full time at the mall, I practically lived on coffee shops and mall fast food. :( But I'm at home 24/7 now, and spend $0 at coffee shops except for the rare occasions when I have the car. So, I spend less at coffee shops now! #silverlining
23. Figure out a weekly chore system that works for me - DONE. Figured out the chore system with help from this friend's awesome post! Next step: actually USE the chore system. ;)
24. Make dinner by 7:30 8:00 pm - DONE. This actually sometimes happens! Twice a week? That's regular! ;)
25. Other secret personal health related goal REVEALED: Have a baby - DONE. Yes, I actually made that a goal: have a baby before my 32nd birthday. And it's easily the accomplishment of which I am most proud. I think it counts for all the things I didn't get done last year. Easily! 
26. Throw a tea party - DONE. AKA baby shower! I got to throw a darling little April Shower Tea Party with my mother just 8 days before Ax was born (whew!). I do have pictures, maybe I'll post some...someday...
27. Have people over [for dinner] more often - DONE. Even though I was working full time until April and we had a baby a mere 3 weeks after I quit, we are managing to make getting together with friends a more regular thing (although not always for dinner).
28. Spend more time at the pool - Nope. :(
29. Go to a (free) outdoor concert or festival - Also no.
30. Spend a weekend at a vineyard B&B - DONE!! :) Well, it wasn't on a vineyard, but it was in downtown Napa and we toured a vineyard while we were there, so it counts! I'm hoping to do a separate post on this precious surprise weekend getaway hopefully sometime soon.
31. Do more hiking - DONE. We even took Ax with us! Twice!
32. Finish at least 1 book of the Life-Studies - I'll be finished in just one more week, so I'm counting this one as DONE.

Final tally: 16 items done / 32 items listed. And since the "done" items include having a baby, which counts for 1000 items (and that's not even half the number of things one must do to take care of a baby), the conclusion is: I WIN.

I said in my  original #32list post that if I did even half the things on my list, I would feel like I've lived. Having accomplished (more or less) exactly half of my list, how do I feel now?

Frankly, I was hoping to feel much more exhilarated than I do. But perhaps that's just the sleep deprivation and isolation boredom talking. Also, I think lists bring out my OCD tendencies: if I don't finish the list, I feel anxious and depressed. It's hard for me to look at this list without inwardly berating myself for counting some things that I didn't do exactly as originally planned, to say nothing of the things I didn't do at all (except not reading Les Mis; I only feel relieved about that). Despite my bravado in asserting that "I win," I actually feel like a loser for not ticking every box, for not doing everything in the exact detail specified. For not being perfect. That's when I have to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and remember: perfection is not possible, not my job, and not my goal.

This is the moment of truth, and the truth is: I'm so glad I did this! If not for this list, we would probably never have gone camping with a baby. Even if the BHE had suggested it, I'm sure I would have been too daunted to attempt it. Same with reading new books, figuring out a chore system, and so many other items, crossed off or not. I couldn't cross off cooking every recipe in Barefoot in Paris, but I made over a dozen new recipes that I would probably never have bothered to try otherwise. And I'm ecstatic about that, and excited and motivated to keep going with it!

So the result isn't what I expected: I expected to do a lot more than I did, but instead, both the done and undone things gave me a lesson in self-forgiveness and joie de vivre. Which, all things considered, is really the point.

Next week: #33list goes live! And I plan to document each item as it happens (or doesn't!) throughout the year. Don't miss it! Make your own list and join me!

And finally, gratuitous baby picture. You're welcome. #sorrynotsorry

All Quiet on the Western Front

If you wondered where I went this past month, it's here:

And no, it wasn't to shop. I got a job!

While working in retail at the mall isn't exactly my dream job (I don't know what that is yet, because I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up...), the Lord provided the perfect opportunity at just the right time, and here I am! I wear a suit, I work 35-40 hours a week, I'm eligible for "benefits" and 401K's and other things I don't really understand. I accrue P-T-O.

In other words, I'm a grown up. :)

In case you're wondering where in the mall would require a suit, let's just say that it's an upscale-ish mall, and I work in a store that's pretty faincy. The name of the place doesn't really matter. I've never been a brand person, and I'm even less so now that I'm constantly surrounded by labels and people who worship them. Romans 12:2 has become a daily prayer and reality. Suffice it to say, my real job is living to the Lord, and learning to live Him in this new environment has proved to be not only a salvation but a joy. An exhausted, aching-feet-and-back, making-dinner-the-night-before, getting-home-late kind of joy, but a real joy nonetheless.

Remember all those lofty goals I wanted to accomplish before my next birthday? Well guess what.

I now have a routine! I get up at the same time almost every day--6:00 a.m. baby! I have to, otherwise we eat fast food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and that is NOT acceptable (and also not affordable).

I spend time with the Lord almost every morning! Even if it's just a few minutes of quietly breathing His name while still half asleep, and/or staring at a page of the Word until a few of them come into focus (literally, and spiritually), this one thing alone feels like the greatest victory.

I exercise on a regular basis! Yes, it's only a piddly 5-minute ab routine plus a single 15-minute mile (don't laugh) on the treadmill 2-3 times a week, but after a couple of years of doing NOTHING, it feels so, so good. Take that, 31-year-old metabolism and cellulite! 5K this winter, 10K in the spring, and half marathon next summer! I can totally do this! Who's with me?!? (No, seriously. Who wants to be my running/racing buddy? I don't think I'll actually do any of the above without an accountability partner...)

I check social media less, because I simply don't have time anymore. And I love it. Instead, I find myself reaching for the Word, hungry for the ministry, and seizing the few precious opportunities I have to get together with the saints. I feel liberated. The cage of a job has actually set me free from the prison of isolation and idleness (yep, having nothing to do can be a prison) to enjoy and pursue the Lord in a richer, clearer way, and I am more grateful every day for His wisdom, mercy, love, and grace.

Even when my feet and back are killing me and I'm eating dinner at 10:00 p.m.

In everything give thanks! Thank You, Lord.

Also thank you to Aaron Morgan, aka the #besthusbandever, for cheerfully appointing himself the de facto dish washer, bathroom cleaner, laundry do-er, and my personal sanity manager while I figure out how to do this housewife/full-time-worker juggling thing. You deserve all the cookies. ;)

12 Books in 1 Year

For my blog debut, I posted a list of 32 things I want to accomplish before my 32nd birthday. One of those items was to read a new book every month, which I copy-catted straight from the original inspiration for my #32list. For fun, and because I like to trick myself into believing that I am productive and on top of things, I decided to go ahead and plan out which books I'm going to read. Most of these are books that I've been meaning to read anyway, but the fun of the #32list concept is that one can change anything at any time if one so desires. So I'm open to suggestions! I am painfully aware that this list is extremely geographically and culturally lopsided in the direction of Western/European literature. What are the big things I should read from Africa, Asia, Central/South America, the Middle East, etc? I'd be open to swapping a few things, and am already contemplating an all non-Euro/US reading agenda for my #33list (so on top of things).

So here they are, in no particular order, and with no promises that I won't change them as I go along (I can almost promise Anna Karenina will disappear at some point...):

1. The true story - My Silent War by Harold Adrian Russell "Kim" Philby. I originally wanted to read Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, but in looking it up I found out that John le Carré was inspired by the life of Kim Philby, the infamous senior British intelligence officer who was a life-long secret Communist and ultimately defected to the Soviet Union at the height of the Cold War. Knowing that, the fiction simply paled in comparison. (Just finished reading this so stay tuned for a review!)

2. The innocent children's book - Winnie the Pooh and The House at Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne. A two-for-the-price-of-one because they are so short--children's books, after all.

3. The book of poetry - The Complete Works of Emily Dickinson, because I already own a lovely gold leaf-edged hardbound volume that I rescued from a Goodwill for the princely sum of $2. #woot

4. The ministry book - The Knowledge of Life by Witness Lee

5. The tragedy - Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy (Gulp.)

6. The comedy - Thank You, Jeeves by P. G. Wodehouse. If you've never read Jeeves, you are missing out on the greatest belly-laughs in the canon of English literature.

7. The bestseller - The Help by Kathryn Stocket. Because, duh, it happens in my hometown of Jackson, MS and parts of the movie were actually filmed there!

8. The book I would probably never finish if it weren't on this list - Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens. One thing you should know about me is that I hate Dickens and love griping about his writing. If you disagree and feel it your duty to convince me otherwise, comment away. I like to (try to) keep an open mind. If you feel similarly, I'd love your camaraderie. :) But in my defense, I do respect his contribution to the world of literature and thus picked up at random one of his lesser known works some time ago in the hopes of changing my own opinion. So far Mr. Paid-by-the-word has only succeeded in confirming my worst complaints, but now I have to know if he is ever, EVER going to get around to bringing Little Dorrit and Clennam together (and how??). Plus, I discovered that there's a 14-episode (8-hour!) BBC/PBS miniseries on it, and I can't allow myself to watch it before finishing the book. Sigh.

9. The famous-but-forgotten children's classic - Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame. Did anyone else know that this was a book?!? (Does anyone else even remember this movie???)

10. The American classic - The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain. Or should I read The Adventures of Tom Sawyer?

11. The book you probably thought was only a movie - Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote. Yep that's right, it was a book first. Ok, technically it's a novella (ok FINE: short story), but have you noticed that Anna Karenina is on this list??

12. The famous Southern novel (also the Pulitzer Prize winner) - The Optimist's Daughter by Eudora Welty. I've never read anything by Eudora Welty (if you are currently reading this from the state of Mississippi, yes I heard that gasp), and I know I won't be able to look myself in the mirror all year if I don't have something by her on my list. Plus how can I call myself a Southerner (or a Jacksonian) if I've never read Eudora Welty?

My last dilemma is a question of money, technology, being environmentally conscious, and sentiment: should I buy a copy of each book, or check them out from the library, or buy/find free electronic versions to read on my phone + tablet + laptop + Kindle (disgusting, I know)?

Actually that's silly. I already know the answer: check them out from the library to read, then buy a really pretty hard copy if I really like the book. There, that was easy. :)

What's on your must-read list?

#32list

September 14, 2013: the birthday table,
a Morgan family tradition.

I recently stumbled across the most inspiring thing I've seen on the interwebs in a long time. What was it, you may ask? No, it wasn't a heroic story of triumph in the face of adversity. No no, nothing so lofty as that. It was this simple list, compiled by a friend, of things she wanted to do before her next birthday, which was last month.

Why on earth, you might be wondering, would anyone find a list of mostly prosaic and just-for-fun items more inspiring than the great sacrifices and accomplishments of humanity? I should at least aspire to do something great on my bucket list, right? Well that's just it, folks. This is not a bucket list.

And frankly, that was what I found so refreshing. Why make the end of your life your goal to accomplish great things, or do what you've always dreamed of doing? If you have the slightest trace of procrastination in you (*raises both hands*), it is all too likely that you, like me, will regard your bucket list as a "haha yeah right as if I wish dream on" list and not really get around to taking it seriously until the proverbial bucket is actually looming, and then frantically do a few mid-life crisis-driven things. And not to be morbid, but speaking of the dreaded Bucket, none of us really knows how long we have in this life anyway. Anything can happen, as the heroes of real life so eloquently (and sometimes heartbreakingly) demonstrate.

Enter #32list. The concept is simple: have a list of things you want to do before your next birthday that equals the numbers of years you'll be turning. Items can be lofty, daredevil, or "just things we had been wishing we would crack down and do," in anothernicole's own excellent words. And there are no rules. Items can be discarded or changed as desired at any time (see #9 in the original post). You can interpret the accomplishment of an item however you like (see #'s 1, 12, 14, and 22). The idea is to have fun and get things done for a whole year! I found this liberating, exhilarating, and downright exciting. Imagine having a "bucket" list...for every year of your life!! Of course, I still do want to travel to all 6 populated continents and live in Europe again at some point in my life, but I can't plan on that next year. But we might visit London, Boston, or Vancouver! Next year might not be the year for the half-marathon I've always dreamed of doing, but hey, if I start jogging regularly again, I will totally give myself a high-five for that. And no, I won't finish all the Life-Studies before next September 14th, nor is it likely that I'll read one message a day. But! I know I can finish at least a book or two from the set! See how this works?

I can't fulfill my whole bucket list right now. And even if I could, there are so many other little things in life that are not "bucket list worthy," but just as satisfying and rewarding (finish decorating our apartment, vacuum once a week, spend more time at the pool, visit all the free museums in my area). If I can check off half my list before my next birthday, I'll feel like I've lived.

So without further ado, I give you... #32list:

1. Start a blog - Oooh look, I can check that off already! #winning #twobirds
2. Have a regular morning time with the Lord - The idea is not to set oneself up for failure (e.g. "every day"), and since my current morning time amounts to 0 times per week, I will happily settle for anything more than that.
3. Exercise regularly
4. Run a 5K
5. Run a 10K
6. Run a half marathon - Just in case I get around to it...
7. Read 1 new book every month (borrowing this straight from anothernicole)
8. Travel outside the country - London/UK gets my first vote.
9. Visit Boston
10. Go camping - In, like, a tent and everything.
11. Learn how to create and edit video
12. Secret personal health related goal that I won't share here (sometimes you can't let it all hang out)
13. Get back in the habit of reading the Bible before bed
14. Check social media less
15. Make every recipe in Ina Garten's Barefoot in Paris cookbook - I'm convinced that this one item alone will make me supremely happy.
16. Make these - Since the debut of this coveted urban mashup pastry phenomenon, it's been on my "I wish" bucket list to try the original at Dominique Ansel's eponymous NY bakery. But since I recently learned how to make butter croissant dough from scratch, I decided that there's no need to wait until I die to try a cronut. I can make my own, thank you very much, complete with Tahitian vanilla cream and rose glaze. So there, Monsieur Ansel. The gauntlet is thrown!
17. Get a puppy!!!
18. Find fun things to do instead of watch TV (especially while we eat - is this my life???)
19. Read Les Misérables - I feel obligated to read it in French because I can, which makes an already daunting task a downright chore...but also a challenge that will lead to indisputable #braggingrights. If I am at least halfway through one of the longest novels ever written by September 14, 2014, I will consider this done. If I'm actually finished...then a trip to France will be #1 on my #33list. That, and a giant box of macarons. #motivation
20. Speaking of macarons: perfect macaron-making at home, and learn to make more flavors than chocolate and vanilla.
21. Meet this baby in person - Preferably before he turns 1 and isn't a baby anymore.
22. Spend less money at coffee shops
23. Figure out a weekly chore system that works for me
24. Make dinner by 7:30 pm 
25. Other secret personal health related goal that I won't share here 
26. Throw a tea party (debating if big hats and little gloves should be required)
27. Have people over for dinner more often (once a month would suffice - and hey, if you're reading this, invite yourself over! I do all the cooking and cleanup, there's always dessert, and it's a standing offer :)
28. Spend more time at the pool
29. Go to a (free) outdoor concert or festival
30. Spend a weekend at a vineyard B&B
31. Do more hiking
32. Finish at least 1 book of the Life-Studies