The #33list Is On!

I couldn’t wait until next week.

After going over last year’s birthday bucket list, I was too excited to stop writing and lo, the #33list is complete!

I wish someone would invent a term for lists like this. It’s not a bucket list, because I’m not trying to do these things before I die. It’s a joie de vivre list, if you like: a list for being alive—quite the opposite of a bucket list. That French phrase is particularly apt. It means, literally, “joy of living.” In English, we use it to refer to a “keen or buoyant enjoyment of life” (Merriam-Webster), “a cheerful enjoyment of life; an exultation of spirit” (Wikipedia), and “a delight in being alive…[a] love of life” (urbandictionary.com). I myself like Google’s definition best: “an exuberant enjoyment of life.” A list not just for living life, but enjoying it; and not just for enjoying life, but doing so exuberantly!

I’m sure things like “French” and “exuberant enjoyment” coming from me are no surprise for those of you who know me well. :) What might surprise you, however, is that I don’t always enjoy life so exuberantly.

Now, I’m not saying that trying new restaurants or reading good books or seeing a play in a park will restore all joy and meaning in life. No, no, I’m not that shallow. But I’ve realized over the last few years (especially since entering into the microcosm of marriage and motherhood) that I have a serious problem with negativity. I focus on the worst, blow it out of proportion until it’s all I can see, and then it crushes me. And when one is sleep deprived, relatively isolated, and facing the eternal monotony of dishes and “what should I make for dinner,” it’s easy to slowly shut down and wish for everything to go away.

Ultimately, I know that real joy is divine. And ultimately, real joy is my goal (see #’s 27 and 1 on my list, in that order). So why make a point of enjoying so many quotidian, non-eternal things? Because in the midst of pursuing a deeper, more meaningful spiritual life, I still have a very unspiritual, totally mundane component to my life—as do we all. There is nothing spiritual, universal or (thank God!) eternal about laundering cloth diapers or keeping an overpriced apartment clean. There is nothing, NOTHING wonderful or meaningful about simultaneously fighting a cold and waking up 4-5 times a night with a ravenous baby on a growth spurt. (Motherhood is deeply meaningful, but let’s be honest: sometimes it’s just plain rough.) All these things are, I think, what most people refer to as “the daily grind,” and frankly all the grinding is wearing me thin.

I want to be a thankful, joyful person (spiritually as well as emotionally—and the latter has a big effect on the former). So this joie de vivre list is my way of forcing myself not only to enjoy my daily grind, but to remind myself of just how much I have to be joyful about and thankful for; it’s to help me find my way to the things that matter, along with the things that don’t matter so much (whether fun or no).

So, here we go! Joy List round two is officially begun!

I promise my next post will have lots more pictures and a lot less verbiage.

1. Establish a morning routine – Must include #27.

2. Read the New Testament once a month for 6 months – Starting in January, a very good place to start.

3. Read 1 new Life-Study – Suggestions? One of the short ones, please.

4. Visit as many parks as possible in the San Jose area

5. Go to an art exhibit (preferably free)

6. Go to a concert – And by concert I mean orchestral, symphonic, or operatic. Ballet also counts. Yes, I’m a nerd.

7. Celebrate Doughvember by perfecting recipes for sourdough, whole wheat sandwich bread, traditional French baguette, English muffins, whole wheat hamburger buns, pizza dough, brioche, croissants, biscuits, and doughnuts – Whew! If you visit/live near me (or if I visit you), expect to be the recipient (willing or no) of homemade, yeast-related goods. They will probably be the mistakes, but it’s not a comment on our relationship so don’t take it personally.

8. Try at least 3 new eateries in our area – 3 is just the minimum!

9. Buy new running shoes (finally)

10. No Facebook or Instagram for a month (Pinterest is ok) – Let’s go ahead and make that month January. Does anything exciting happen in January?

11. No TV until 8pm for a month (includes YouTube and random internet videos) – Making it official and public: I’m doing this for the month of November! Mostly because we’ll be really busy and I probably won’t have time for TV anyway. #stillcounts

12. Finish my embroidery project – I’ll post a really cute picture when I do. :)

13. Organize Ax’s room

14. Pick fruit in an orchard (or wherever it is fruit comes from)

15. Travel outside the US – Still dreaming of the UK, but I’ll settle for Italy if I must. ;)

16. Visit Athens & Atlanta, GA – Always on my mind. Always.

17.  Figure out what I want to be when I grow up, and start doing it – I’m allowed to change my mind, but for heaven’s sake I need to start doing something.

18. Memorize the book of Philippians

19. Lose the baby weight – Using the Bikini Body Workout by Kayla Itsines. No, I will NOT be posting bikini selfies to document the process. I might decide to take a tasteful “before/after” pic in the same (modest, fully clothed) outfit. It’s a 12 week regimen, so start date: November 3; end date: January 24.

20. Try StitchFix! (when I lose the baby weight) – Target date: February 2015.

21. Blog at least twice a month

22. Finish making every recipe in Barefoot in Paris

23. Finish baby shower thank you notes before Thanksgiving – If you gave us something, we are SO grateful and you WILL get a card that proves it!

24. Write every day M-F for a month (1 hour? 500 words? 1000 words?) – Another good Janaury project,  I think, since I’ll need something else to do in place of checking Facebook and Instagram.

25. Finish my current translation project before New Year’s Eve

26. Make my chore schedule a habit – They say it takes a month. January’s getting a little crowded, but what better time to begin something new?

27. Make my soul happy in God first thing every morning - “The first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day is to have my soul happy in the Lord.” – George Müller. Your prayers for this one item are coveted. Frankly, I feel that this is a fight for my life. (I know, drama queen; but seriously. Something’s gotta give, and I don’t want it to be my faith.)

28. Stop moping over my Pinterest fashion board and give myself a complete, brand new, head-to-toe fall/winter look – New purchases encouraged! Include accessories! Try on things I don’t think I can pull off! (Look, I am a responsible SAHM. All purchases will be pre-approved by the BHE and justified by achieved goals like finishing translation projects by deadline, keeping up with chores, and cleaning all the piles off my desk.)

29. Read 6 new books

30. Make my blog pretty

31. See Shakespeare in the Park! – The 2015 show will be Romeo and Juliet!! Who’s coming with me?!? I’ll bring the adorable picnic basket full of goodies!

32. Start a running club – If I’ve recently talked to you about signing up for a race together, you’re already a member of my new club. Yes, I’m talking to YOU! ;)

33. Buy fun things from Etsy, including a piece of jewelry, a handmade mug, and something decorative for the house

#32list: The Moment of Truth

Friends, Romans, Walruses: the time has come.

When I started this blog a year ago on my 31st birthday, I made a list of 32 things I wanted to accomplish before my next birthday, when I would turn 32. Well, that was almost 2 months ago (oops!), so it's time to 'fess up and bring out the scorecard!

N.B. See #25 in advance. It's my permanent excuse for absolutely every fail in life for the next 18 years.

1. Start a blog - DONE. 10 posts in 1 year; slow, but not bad for a start!
2. Have a regular morning time with the Lord - DONE. Since at least once a week counts as regular, and I had a baby this year (baby = free pass for everything), I'm crossing this off.
3. Exercise regularly - DONE. This was a tough one, since this time last year I was 6 weeks pregnant, and 2 months later started a full time retail job right before the holiday rush. But, like #2, I've done something that could pass as exercise (however mild) at least once a week if you average it all out (ha!), so I'm counting it done.
4. Run a 5K - I had a baby instead. Might as well cross climb Mt. Everest off my bucket list, because that's basically what I accomplished.
5. Run a 10K - See above. 
6. Run a half marathon - See above. Maybe when I'm done having babies.
7. Read 1 new book every month - DONE. I didn't (exactly) read a new book every month, but I did read 10 new books. So, I say close enough! And YES, baby/sleep-training books TOTALLY COUNT. 
8. Travel outside the country - Nope. Sigh. Next year! *crosses fingers*
9. Visit Boston Austin - Boston was out of the question, BUT! We DID fly to Austin, TX with our 10 week old baby! He is the first great-grandbaby to my only living grandparent, my mom's mom, whom I had not seen in almost 10 years. So this was a big, big deal and we had a big, big family shindig to celebrate. It was wonderful!
10. Go camping in a tent - DONE! I lamented to the Best Husband Ever back in March that this could not possibly happen before my next birthday since we were having a baby. His response? "Just because we're having a baby doesn't mean we can't do anything or go anywhere. We'll go camping before your birthday. In fact, we'll go camping FOR your birthday." And we DID! In, like, a tent and everything! With a 4 month old baby! And it was FUN!! Reason #907983 I call him the Best Husband Ever. :)
11. Learn how to create and edit video - Sleep is better.
12. Secret personal health related goal that I won't share here - Didn't do it. Still not telling.
13. Get back in the habit of reading the Bible before bed - DONE. It's not every night, but I am getting back in the habit.
14. Check social media less - Welllll this compulsive habit got a lot better...and then a lot worse. I know there are infinitely more productive things you could do while breastfeeding, but at 2:00 a.m., or when your brain is so fogged from lack of sleep even though it's high noon, staring at your Instagram feed is sometimes all you can manage. And sometimes, it's reassuring just to know that there's still a world out there for you to rejoin one day...
15. Make every recipe in Ina Garten's Barefoot in Paris cookbook - Didn't finish, but I'm renewing this for my #33list. The standing is currently 21/79 recipes made, not counting the 5 that aren't worth the trouble. Potato chips from scratch? But...why??
16. Make cronuts from scratch - Not yet.
17. Get a puppy - We moved into an apartment that doesn't allow pets. :( 
18. Find fun things to do instead of watch TV - So far, honestly, it's a relief to have something going on in the background during the day to keep me company, and keep me from losing my mind. Being at home 24/7 (we only have one car) is tough. Although thanks to #'s 1 and 7, I have rediscovered my love of writing and reading. I'm hoping for more of both in my life henceforth.
19. Read Les Misérables - Didn't even touch it. #noregrets
20. Perfect macaron-making at home, and learn to make more flavors than chocolate and vanilla - #33list! I'm determined to become a pro at macaron making. 
21. Meet this baby in person - Didn't happen. KILLLLLS me. :(
22. Spend less money at coffee shops - DONE. For the 6 months that I was working full time at the mall, I practically lived on coffee shops and mall fast food. :( But I'm at home 24/7 now, and spend $0 at coffee shops except for the rare occasions when I have the car. So, I spend less at coffee shops now! #silverlining
23. Figure out a weekly chore system that works for me - DONE. Figured out the chore system with help from this friend's awesome post! Next step: actually USE the chore system. ;)
24. Make dinner by 7:30 8:00 pm - DONE. This actually sometimes happens! Twice a week? That's regular! ;)
25. Other secret personal health related goal REVEALED: Have a baby - DONE. Yes, I actually made that a goal: have a baby before my 32nd birthday. And it's easily the accomplishment of which I am most proud. I think it counts for all the things I didn't get done last year. Easily! 
26. Throw a tea party - DONE. AKA baby shower! I got to throw a darling little April Shower Tea Party with my mother just 8 days before Ax was born (whew!). I do have pictures, maybe I'll post some...someday...
27. Have people over [for dinner] more often - DONE. Even though I was working full time until April and we had a baby a mere 3 weeks after I quit, we are managing to make getting together with friends a more regular thing (although not always for dinner).
28. Spend more time at the pool - Nope. :(
29. Go to a (free) outdoor concert or festival - Also no.
30. Spend a weekend at a vineyard B&B - DONE!! :) Well, it wasn't on a vineyard, but it was in downtown Napa and we toured a vineyard while we were there, so it counts! I'm hoping to do a separate post on this precious surprise weekend getaway hopefully sometime soon.
31. Do more hiking - DONE. We even took Ax with us! Twice!
32. Finish at least 1 book of the Life-Studies - I'll be finished in just one more week, so I'm counting this one as DONE.

Final tally: 16 items done / 32 items listed. And since the "done" items include having a baby, which counts for 1000 items (and that's not even half the number of things one must do to take care of a baby), the conclusion is: I WIN.

I said in my  original #32list post that if I did even half the things on my list, I would feel like I've lived. Having accomplished (more or less) exactly half of my list, how do I feel now?

Frankly, I was hoping to feel much more exhilarated than I do. But perhaps that's just the sleep deprivation and isolation boredom talking. Also, I think lists bring out my OCD tendencies: if I don't finish the list, I feel anxious and depressed. It's hard for me to look at this list without inwardly berating myself for counting some things that I didn't do exactly as originally planned, to say nothing of the things I didn't do at all (except not reading Les Mis; I only feel relieved about that). Despite my bravado in asserting that "I win," I actually feel like a loser for not ticking every box, for not doing everything in the exact detail specified. For not being perfect. That's when I have to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and remember: perfection is not possible, not my job, and not my goal.

This is the moment of truth, and the truth is: I'm so glad I did this! If not for this list, we would probably never have gone camping with a baby. Even if the BHE had suggested it, I'm sure I would have been too daunted to attempt it. Same with reading new books, figuring out a chore system, and so many other items, crossed off or not. I couldn't cross off cooking every recipe in Barefoot in Paris, but I made over a dozen new recipes that I would probably never have bothered to try otherwise. And I'm ecstatic about that, and excited and motivated to keep going with it!

So the result isn't what I expected: I expected to do a lot more than I did, but instead, both the done and undone things gave me a lesson in self-forgiveness and joie de vivre. Which, all things considered, is really the point.

Next week: #33list goes live! And I plan to document each item as it happens (or doesn't!) throughout the year. Don't miss it! Make your own list and join me!

And finally, gratuitous baby picture. You're welcome. #sorrynotsorry

What It Means To Build Up The Body Of Christ On A Friday Night When You’re a New Parent

It’s 6:30 p.m. People are coming to my house in an hour and a half. My postpartum hair loss is all over the floor, my nearly 4-month-old baby is fed but unwashed, and dinner will be defrosted leftovers hastily microwaved and scoffed before the guests come. I am tired, hormonal, cranky from an off-schedule baby who still doesn’t (quite) sleep through the night, and disappointed in myself because I am a terrible housekeeper. (Bless you for pointing out the new mother excuse; unfortunately, my housekeeping skills—or lack thereof—have nothing to do with having a baby.) I want to wake up my hard-working, neat-as-a-pin husband, who is napping to recuperate from the demands of his all-hours high tech Silicon Valley job, and cry on his shoulder and ask him to email our friends and tell them not to come. Oh, and can he please go pick us up some dinner.

This is not what I visualize when I think about Christians paying a price, sacrificing, or suffering for the gospel. But as I stand in the middle of the kitchen, reassuring myself that all my reasons not to have fellow believers over for our usual Friday night fellowship are totally justified (and they totally are; I know our friends will be more than understanding), the Lord reminds me: a little strength. Just a little.

I cannot be a martyr in the Middle East. For the moment, there is no call for me to serve the Lord in some exotic place, or even in our local church. I don’t work outside the home. Most days my greatest accomplishment is to get dressed and make myself food. So most days, I don’t feel like I’m doing anything of importance (except training the baby to sleep; that is VERY important!!!), much less fighting the good fight.

But today. Today, there is something I can do to contribute to the meaning of the universe.

I can ignore my lethargy. I can swallow my pride. I can put on the kettle, set out the tea, and slice up some humble apples (they’re not even organic) to put on a tray. I can eat my nuked leftovers standing in the kitchen while the Best Husband Ever entertains the baby, and then take over the (heavily condensed, because I’m in no mood to mess around) bedtime routine so the BHE can eat and finish cleaning the rest of the house. I can take a deep breath and quietly let go of the totally justifiable reasons I should have the night to myself to relax and go to bed early (I totally should).

I can let the saints come to my home. I can present my body a living sacrifice while the Word is read and the fellowship flows. I can let the Lord knit me a little more with these believers that He has placed us with. And even though I’m too tired to function, I can enjoy their measure of grace.

I can’t preach the gospel to thousands. I can’t serve in foreign lands. There are many things I can’t do, so many of my God’s needs I can’t meet. But tonight, there is one small thing I can do for the Lord whom I love.

I can build up the Body of Christ.

I bow my head over groceries that are still waiting to be put away. This is not a great trial; it is such a mild sacrifice that I didn’t even realize it was a sacrifice. But it is. Opening our home for the home meeting is my small opportunity to offer the little (time, energy, resources) I have to the Lord. So I will. And I do.

Six hours later as I write this, I am glad the saints came, as I knew I would be. We’re all going hiking in Big Basin Redwood Forest tomorrow, plans made over the remains of tea and humble apples. I wanted to spend the day by myself at the library (between breastfeeding sessions, of course), but this, too, is a precious opportunity for more "building up of itself in love" to take place.

Right now, my measure feels so small. But even one talent can make a profit, if properly invested. 

How To Be Pregnant: A Noob’s Guide to Successfully* Surviving the First 7.5 Months

*where success does not necessarily mean healthy, recommended, ideal, or approved by the American Pregnancy Association, but that in spite of everything, nothing dreadful happened. (Thank You, Lord…)

The one thing we've done to get ready for the baby. Surely 6 weeks
is plenty of time to do everything else...

1. Start taking prenatal vitamins and omega-3 supplements as soon as you know you want to have a baby. All those important nutrients need to be in your system beforehand, and you can’t know exactly when it will happen. (See #2.)

2. Wait until you’re 18 weeks along to find out that you’re pregnant. That way you can find out you’re pregnant, find out the baby’s gender, and be halfway done with the entire process all on the same day.

Tip: when your doctor sends you to get an ultrasound to find out just how far along you are, have your husband leave work and come with you. That way, you can both see the baby’s heartbeat for the first time, and you’ll have someone besides the ultrasound tech to hold onto when you start laughing and crying at the same time.

3. Get a job where you stand on your feet in dress shoes for 8 hours a day. This will help you understand the true meaning of foot odor, back/joint pain, and calf muscle cramps. It will also make soothing foot baths, hot showers, and warm (not hot and for no longer than 20 minutes!) bubble baths seem like heaven on earth.

4. Don’t worry about nutrition at all. Instead, since you spend 9-12 hours a day at the mall for work, eat at least one fast food meal every day, eat fast food for all three meals in one day on a regular basis, and treat yourself frequently to decadent chocolate shop hot chocolate, sea salt chocolate chip cookies, milkshakes, and soft serve swirl cones (it’s organic soft serve, so it’s healthy!).

5. Come down with a horrible, miserable, awful cold twice in two months. Bonus points if you scare your doctor into thinking you’re developing pneumonia. (Thankfully, I didn’t.) In the end, this will make turning in your resignation instead of just going on maternity leave totally understandable.

6. Thank the Lord daily for your precious, precious husband, who cheerfully insists on doing all the dishes, chores, laundry, grocery shopping, and some occasional cooking (in addition to his own demanding, all-hours, high tech job) while you’re trying to cope with the dual exertion of being pregnant and working full-time in retail.

7. Sign up for the last available spot in the birthing class you want to take. Promise your husband that you’ll only have to do this once.

8. Pre-register at the hospital where you plan to deliver while being monitored to make sure you’re not going into pre-term labor. (I wasn’t! Apparently mild dehydration + a very active baby can trigger Braxton-Hicks contractions…for an entire day!)

9. Quit your job a month earlier than you planned to. Because you will actually need every minute of the remaining six weeks until your due date to finish unpacking your new apartment, buy things, set up the nursery, pre-cook meals, regain your sanity, and catch up on rest (and also catch up on your new favorite HGTV DIY remodeling show, whee!).

10. Don’t stress about how you’re not doing any of the things you’re supposed to do for a healthy pregnancy (except take prenatal vitamins religiously every night). Instead, turn every “should-have” into a prayer of trust and thankfulness to the Lord that He, not you, is in control, and that this baby (as well as you, your husband, and your home) belongs to Him, and not yourselves.

Kissing In A Tree

Well, you know what happens when you kiss in a tree.

This!

Yep, that's right, there's gonna be a little MORE-gan this year! ;) Baby Boy Morgan, coming May 2014.

We can't wait. :)