*where success does not necessarily mean healthy,
recommended, ideal, or approved by the American Pregnancy Association, but that
in spite of everything, nothing dreadful happened. (Thank You, Lord…)
 |
| The one thing we've done to get ready for the baby. Surely 6 weeks is plenty of time to do everything else... |
1. Start taking prenatal vitamins and omega-3 supplements as
soon as you know you want to have a baby. All those important nutrients need to
be in your system beforehand, and you can’t know exactly when it will happen.
(See #2.)
2. Wait until you’re 18 weeks along to find out that you’re
pregnant. That way you can find out you’re pregnant, find out the baby’s
gender, and be halfway done with the entire process all on the same day.
Tip: when your doctor sends you to get an ultrasound to find
out just how far along you are, have your husband leave work and come with you.
That way, you can both see the baby’s
heartbeat for the first time, and
you’ll have someone besides the ultrasound tech to hold onto when you start
laughing and crying at the same time.
3. Get a job where you stand on your feet in dress shoes for
8 hours a day. This will help you understand the true meaning of foot odor,
back/joint pain, and calf muscle cramps. It will also make soothing foot baths,
hot showers, and warm (not hot and for no longer than 20 minutes!) bubble baths
seem like heaven on earth.
4. Don’t worry about nutrition at all. Instead, since you
spend 9-12 hours a day at the mall for work, eat at least one fast food meal
every day, eat fast food for all three meals in one day on a regular basis, and
treat yourself frequently to decadent chocolate shop hot chocolate, sea salt
chocolate chip cookies, milkshakes, and soft serve swirl cones (it’s organic
soft serve, so it’s healthy!).
5. Come down with a horrible, miserable, awful cold twice in
two months. Bonus points if you scare your doctor into thinking you’re
developing pneumonia. (Thankfully, I didn’t.) In the end, this will make
turning in your resignation instead of just going on maternity leave totally
understandable.
6. Thank the Lord daily for your precious, precious husband,
who cheerfully insists on doing all the dishes, chores, laundry, grocery
shopping, and some occasional cooking (in addition to his own demanding,
all-hours, high tech job) while you’re trying to cope with the dual exertion of
being pregnant and working full-time in retail.
7. Sign up for the last available spot in the birthing class
you want to take. Promise your husband that you’ll only have to do this once.
8. Pre-register at the hospital where you plan to deliver
while being monitored to make sure you’re not going into pre-term labor. (I
wasn’t! Apparently mild dehydration + a very active baby can trigger
Braxton-Hicks contractions…for an entire day!)
9. Quit your job a month earlier than you planned to.
Because you will actually need every minute of the remaining six weeks until
your due date to finish unpacking your new apartment, buy things, set up the nursery,
pre-cook meals, regain your sanity, and catch up on rest (and also catch up on
your new favorite HGTV DIY remodeling show, whee!).
10. Don’t stress about how you’re not doing any of the
things you’re supposed to do for a healthy pregnancy (except take prenatal
vitamins religiously every night). Instead, turn every “should-have” into a
prayer of trust and thankfulness to the Lord that He, not you, is in control,
and that this baby (as well as you, your husband, and your home) belongs to
Him, and not yourselves.
